Football players that sound like food XI

Right, let’s dive straight into this. We’ve spent a short while weighing up all the football players that sound like food; from that we’ve put together the best quality side we could think of.

We’ll start with our team but if you’ve got any suggestions of your own then drop them below.

Who makes the football players that sound like food XI?

GK – Dean Gerken

Our minds were left in a pickle as we sought a true top quality number one. We’ve opted for Dean Gerken. The keeper, who now plays for League Two Colchester after joining them from Ipswich Town in the summer of 2019, might not be top class but has still had a more than respectable career; it’s seen him play over 200 games at Championship level where he recorded 48 clean sheets. 

RWB – Nacho

Nacho has four Champions League titles in his trophy cabinet and has spent his whole career at Real Madrid proving a quality and consistent defender. He still, somehow, goes a little under the radar. We guess that’s easily done in a team of Galacticos but in our side he’ll get plenty of recognition. Jokes about crisp passing will be left well alone.

RCB – Mark Fish

To those in England, Fish might be remembered as a steady if unspectacular defender who mainly played for Charlton and Bolton; to those of South Africa though he’s a man who starred in back to back African Cup of Nations. He was named in the team of the tournament in both and helped the country to their maiden triumph in 1996.

CB – Jaap Spam (C)

Now we are talking about star quality. Stam (or Spam as we’ve gone for) is the standout rock of our defence with an outstanding CV that boasts eight major honours including that treble winning campaign for Manchester United where he was vital cog in the machine. He’s the obvious choice to skipper our football players who sound like food XI.

LCB – Bread-e Hangeland

The ex-Norway international is probably best known for his spell with Fulham in the Premier League. He managed to chip in with the occasional goal but it was the art of defending that proved his bread and butter.

LWB – Fabio Cointreau

Of course, we’ve tweaked the spelling of the one time Real Madrid left back Fabio Coentrao but what an addition to our team the Portuguese is even in spite of the fact fact he’s probably not one of the best Portuguese footballers of all time. Coentrao spent a lot of his career in his homeland where he achieved an impressive medal haul but his time with the Madrid is where the real glory happened in the shape of two La Ligas, a Copa del Rey and two Champions League wins.

DM – Declan Rice

It’s fair to say that Rice’s inclusion brings some much needed youth to an ageing team. The West Ham youngster is already lauded but he’s going to get better and better. He already has a £100m price tag on his head and it’s only a matter of time until he joins a truly big club; for now though, he’ll have to make do with a place in our football players that sounds like food XI.

RAM – Franck Rib-ery

Ribery spent most of his career on the left but even on the opposite flank we think his pace and trickery would have defenders tied up in knots. The flying winger spent most of his career with Bayern Munich with whom he won nine Bundesliga titles and a Champions League. He was integral to their sustained success contributing 124 goals and 182 assists in 425 matches.

LAM – Patrick Berger

Is there a better sight in football than seeing a long range strike nestle in the top corner? We don’t think so and Berger has a reliable left foot that regularly delivers the goods as he proved in his seven year stay at Anfield. A player that truly delivers!

CAM – Kevin Lasagna

So Lasagna isn’t a player to set the world alight with a pretty average goal ratio of one in four but, to be fair, he is plying his trade in Serie A which is notorious for not shipping too many goals. The handful of Italian caps he has aren’t easy to come by either!

ST – Fer-Nandos Torres

His reputation might have faded a little after his disastrous big money move to Chelsea but the striker before that was a World Cup and Euro Championship winning, ruthless forward who could singlehandedly tear even the best defences apart. His record on retirement saw him average a goal every 2.8 games with his peak at Liverpool where he hit 81 in 141 games. 

There you have it, a foodie footy team. Let us know your player ideas below.

Interested in more of our Mash Up XI’s? Check out this on the best Nigerian footballers of all time.

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